metal baby

Just practicing for the "real thing" tonight. I dont think I have ever seen Logan so excited about his hair. Hopefully we can really get it to stay up (it's a little long).

Hope you all have a safe & happy Halloween!

ETA: This afternoon I gave Logan a bath to wash out all the gel from his hair. He wanted to hold every shampoo and bubble bath bottle he could get his hands on and politely said "peees!" each time he wanted to trade one out. When I handed him the final bottle I told him "now you say thank you" (he stared at me blankly)..."thank you!"...(still no response)..."Logan, thank you!"...and then he smiled at me and said "YOU WELCOME!"



Yesterday I had a rough one...

My morning started out with computer issues (not being able to get it on at all), and taking in the computer to be repaired only to find out it is an expensive problem no two year old computer should have (thanks Gateway for a quality product), waisting time while it was being repaired, then taking it home and trying not to burst into tears when it wouldn't start up, calling Gateway's not so free 1-800 terrible customer service and getting disconnected TWICE...meanwhile Logan got into some [navy blue] paint (in case you are wondering, yes, I was on the phone with the hard-to-understand customer service rep at Gateway who was really no help at all) and smeared it all over the couch, and I just about had a meltdown...

I called my boss. I took a deep breath and I prayed for help (and guidance, I'm not gonna lie).

Then, amazingly, Folex worked a small miracle on my couch and the computer clicked on like magic.

Thank you, Lord.

I am happy to report that today was a much better day...we spent most of it outdoors with friends enjoying the rare chill in the air and playing on the playground. We had a picnic lunch. I did not get sick. We spent some time at the library. I voted.

I guess right now I am just feeling thankful for today - and that the good days around here far outweigh the bad. Some days my sanity gets tested, but I am grateful I can turn to prayer and find the answers, and I can't imagine life any other way.


I am so not Martha Stewart

So today for about three hours I have been working on creating this:

yes, an electric guitar.
Mine is made out of cardboard.
...with paint and a paint brush and a craft knife and some modge podge.
I am laughing at myself because: (1) Please, tell me, who can create a guitar??? I mean really, have you tried??? (2) my mother used to create these elaborate costumes each year (and made three of them no less) and she made it look EASY and FAST, therefore forever deceiving me into thinking it can be accomplished. Of course back then most of the time we complained and didn't appreciate her hard work, but now I am here covered up to my elbows in black paint and Modge Podge and wishing my mom were here, creating this beast of a prop for me.
I bet you ten dollars Logan will have this thing destroyed within the first 15 minutes of Halloween. You watch.
Happy Birthday Katrina! (OK so her birthday was yesterday but I wasn't online)

My dear friend, you mean so much to me. I hope it was the best one yet. Looking forward to celebrating with you this week!



I just got Logan a string cheese out of the fridge for a snack.

He patiently watched and waited for me to take it out of the plastic wrapper.

When I handed it to him he said "Mmm! Cheez popickle!!!"


potty training

We are entering the foreign territory of potty training.

I have been noticing some signs, but kind of putting off the whole thing. Logan is constantly taking off his diaper (and it is driving me CRAZY) and for the past couple of weeks he's stopped saying "no" every time we ask him if he went potty. He even throws himself down on the changing pad and says "I poop." OK kid. I hear ya.

So today we bought a little kid potty at Target and it sings and it seems Logan just wants to press buttons and make the noises. We also had a little seat, but that seemed too scary as he wouldn't sit there unless I hugged him (not so great of a plan).

Also wondering why little kid underwear only starts at size FOUR. My kid is still 24 pounds, which means he will be wearing size four underwear when he's like...I dunno, 12.

Anyone have any tips? (And thanks K, for all your advice so far!)


I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried...

So Cadie seems to be doing ok. I am becoming more and more positive that her seizure was a one time thing. We're keeping a close eye on her for a while.

The weather has been so nice lately Logan and I have been able to enjoy lunch outside (without sweating for a change). Since he's been feeling better we went out there yesterday and today and enjoyed the nice breeze.

After lunch today Logan was exploring the yard with the dogs running around. All of the sudden I heard him yell "A NAKE!!!! NAKE!!! 'NAKE!" (snake) - and of course panic starts to set in. "Step back!" I yell to him as I run over...partly wondering what the heck I am going to do once I get over there and see the dang thing (at the same time I was kind of thinking that I needed to see this snake just in case that was what had bitten Cadie, as it is another possibility). So I rush over to where he was (Logan now about six feet away still yelling to me "A NAKE MAMA, A NAKE!" and so I get over there and I am looking, thinking maybe it is small and I just don't see it immediately so I ask Logan "where is the snake?" and he points...and I realize something...

the "snake" was a fresh pile of poo, courtesy of my dog Cody.

Thank the Lord.



I took Logan to the doctor...of course at the time he wasn't running a fever for the first time. Overall, he seems to be on the road to recovery and we're supposed to give him 24 hours and then run some more tests. I am just thinking positive for right now that it is going to pass and it will be ok.

But even though I thought the worst was over, something went very very wrong today.

Cadie, (our happy-go-lucky pup), had what we believe was a seizure. She lost complete control of her body and her legs, and she tumbled around helplessly. She was in the backyard and ran blindly, full-force into the fence (twice) - so hard she knocked a part of the fence off. Then she fell to the ground, unable to move. Watching it happen was horrible. I was a mess.

I thank the Lord for my family and friends - for my dad who got to my house in 10 minutes with no questions asked, just to watch Logan sleep - and my amazing husband who dropped what he was doing to meet me at the vet as soon as I called. For Katrina, who got dropped from our conversation due to my shock. For Poppy, who talked to me on the way there and kept me calm. Thank you.

After watching her for several hours and running tests, the vet told us they still are not sure what caused it. It could have been as simple as something that she ate, or it could be epilepsy (which she is apparently at the prime age for). We won't really know unless she has another one...but either way, today was a day I won't soon forget.

In a way our dogs are our kids (as silly as it sounds, it's true). They are family. At the very least they are an everyday, integral part of our life. They lie next to me when I work, and annoyingly bark at every moving thing out the window. They are the ever-faithful friend. They are a comfort. They put up with Logan's endless tail pulling and other tortures. They are the epitome of excitement every time you walk in the door. They are the definition of unconditional love. They are irreplaceable - and I was reminded of that today.

But with the chaos came some good news this evening - my sweet friend Jen had her baby boy today and that brings me so much joy. Jen, I am so, so happy for you.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a little less eventful.




Poor little man has been down and out with a fever since Thursday...the scary 103 kind...we're resting and being grumpy and snugling in blankets all weekend.

(If we're not better by tomorrow, we're going to see the doctor. As of Friday they were convinced it was a virus and it would pass. I hope they are right.)


I've created a monster

Yesterday we bought candy (and the dish, which Logan picked out for me) for Halloween at Target.

Since then all I have heard is "can-ey! can-ey!" and "em a nem, em a nem" (we got the m&m mini's and made the mistake of Logan sharing a pack with us last night).

How the heck am I going to last hearing this a thousand times a day?

I did get some more things for my fall decorating, and so far this is what I have come up with for the table (still trying to think of what should be used to fill the vases). Last night when Ryan came home and saw the table he said "now that looks like fall to me" (his initial reaction was "you put decorations where?")

On another note, I am getting more and more amazed with Pottery Barn's ability to consistently dig into my brain and produce items I have dreamt up (and they know I cannot resist) such as:

[Those butterfly ornaments are going on my tree this year, no doubt]

I swear I tear into that catalog like nothing you have ever seen the minute it comes in the mail. It's absurd, really.

And just for giggles, here's what Logan looks like after grabbing my headband off the desk in preparation for his morning workout:

Those pictures aren't the greatest (he wouldn't sit still, so I was holding his pants with one hand and taking the photo in the other), but I love 'em.

At least it got his mind off the candy for five seconds...




Thanks Mom (for making me obsessive compulsive about home decor)

So the decorating bug hit me this weekend when I realized I had nothing more than a wreath on my door for the fall season. It has been bugging me that my house is not only messy, but you cannot look around and see one sign of fall.

This is the best time of the year...get out of the fog, woman! (It's really more like literally dragging myself off the couch but you know what I mean)...

My house should smell like pumpkin pie and cinnamon. There should be a pumpkin or a gourd or something sitting out for Logan to pick up every five seconds and attempt to destroy (isn't that part of the fun?) and for goodness sake I should at least attempt to make this place presentable.

If you know me, you know I go all out for Christmas (it's genetic I swear). [We have two trees. Every room is changed in some way. My house really does smell like cinnamon, or so I think it does. We have a Christmas village that takes me a week to assemble...you get the point] but I never really got too many decorations for fall. This has got to change.

So, today I went to Joann's and bought some fake gourds and I put them on the table. I got out the few decorations I already had (sadly, this consisted of six tealight candleholders and a ceramic ghost). I bought a lantern and a pumpkin-scented candle at Kohl's....but something is missing. Actually, a lot of things are missing.

I thought about this for a minute and then it hit me...

My mom's house is overwhelmingly perfect with the season's change. She coordinates the flowers in the hallway and her house smells like cinnamon. Always. She has candy corn in the candy dish, and little pumpkins in the pantry for when those get eaten. She has plates based on the season with little fall leaves and napkin rings and table cloths and placemats she can change on a whim. She has little signs that say "Welcome Fall" and "Harvest" (and whatever else you say this time of year). She has gourds and pumpkins and little trays that say cute things about blessings and being thankful for your family.

How the heck do I live up to that?

I don't.

I look at my little sad, pathetic piles of gourds and my goofy ceramic ghost (which I think actually has a chip in it) and I smile to myself knowing that it is OK...

I'll get her come Christmas time.

love you mom ;)



Sea World

Logan had more fun at Sea World than I ever expected. I didn't take a ton of pictures (it rained during the dolphin show, which I think was Logan's favorite thing) but we definitely soaked up every moment of the day.

Over at the sea lion area they were putting on a show.

He only looks like he's not having fun...he cried when it was time to get off this carousel (in all fairness, the ride was dang short)

these cute little decorated pumpkins were all over the place

Daddy and Logan rode this contraption...similar to the tea cups but it also goes up high in the air
(Logan was mesmerized)

Thank you so much Steph and Todd for the tickets. We had a great time.



Today he hands me two snacks he found on the counter - a box of Entenmann's cookies (thanks K) and King's Hawaiian rolls. I ask him which one he wants and he says "Cookie bwead!" So I take one of each out and hold them out -- he takes the roll and happily chants about the house "Wogan bwead! Wogan bwead mmmmmmmmmm!"

He loves to pull all the laundry out of the hamper and jump into it like a pile of leaves. When I told him "let's not destroy our neat little piles...let's just relax and take a little nap" (trying to calm him a little since I have re-created my piles about six times already). To my surprise he lays down in the pile (Kings Hawaiian role in his hand) and he closes his eyes and he snacks on the roll and says "ok, nap"...then suddenly his eyes pop open and he taps me on the shoulder and he says "not now."

Yesterday at the playground he followed a little girl who was playing with Natalie and apparently this little girl didn't want him around and so she would play and then turn to L and say "stop!" (stop following me). Logan, having no clue what she meant (I think) followed her around the playground repeating "stop! stop!"...(something tells me he has that bratty brother syndrome passed down from Ryan's childhood).

When we put clothes from the washer into the dryer (one of his favorite things to help me with), L loves to put anything he can find into the dryer. Today it was a "dizzard" (a plastic lizzard) and some clean clothes.

Lately he's been telling any and everyone he sees "OH HAPPY DAY, YOU!!!" (He thinks every day is someone's birthday if it is not his own).

He is super concerned about freckles and thinks they are boo-boos. (He points to them and says "Oh no mama! boo-boo!" - I have a lot of freckles). You don't even want to see how concerned he is with actual boo-boos.

Yesterday it was raining when we left the grocery store. As soon as we got out of the store and saw the rain coming down Logan said "Oh no! Is nainin' hawd!" *(and he repeated this until we got home..."oh no mama! 'nainin hawd!")...but I suppose this is one step above "aww min!" (aww, man) which he used to say every time it rained.

It is because of him I keep smiling. Even though we have our fair share of challenging times, his little personality keeps me going. I have been missing sending him off to bed (it is sad when you go to bed before your toddler), but Ryan has had some good quality time with him and I am learning to appreciate the day time and the little moments we get to share together, simple as they may be. Thanks for that reminder, little man.

Tomorrow we're taking the day off to go to Sea World.
Hope you all have a great weekend!


P.S. Jen, I saw this shirt today and I thought of you: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_16&listing_id=16014742 If only I had found it nine months earlier :)


worry...(a little reminder to myself)

So this morning as I was making Ryan's lunch he reads to me from the paper about how some research has shown that having a ceiling fan in a baby's room reduces the chance of death by SIDS by some 70% (or something like that, don't quote me). "Wow" I say, thinking that was pretty good, but then he goes on..."Yes, but Jacksonville has a high rate of infant deaths...higher in percentage than the State of Florida over all, and Florida has a higher percentage than the national average..."

(If your head is hurting right now I dont blame you...but just wait until you read the rest of this post. I am a chronic worrier and when you tell a worrier this kind of information we tend to run with it...)

I thought about this for a moment and remembered what a big deal it was when Logan was born and the whole "back to sleep" thing they drill into your head and how it seems everything scares the heck out of you into thinking you can't let your new baby be alone for five seconds much less sleep in a room by themselves...

[SIDS - for those of you who don't know, is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome - and it is simply something they don't know enough about to know how to prevent it or what exactly causes it...]

This afternoon I got an email from a friend and we discussed some of the feelings of being ill-prepared for a child the second time around - and the worry started to come back to me, the lists of things to try to do filled my head...

the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the truth of the matter is, motherhood will always consist of one thing: WORRY.

Worry that the pregnancy is going like it should, that things are progressing and happening as they are supposed to...Worry about being a good mom, doing the right things, making the right choices, having enough time...Worry about the baby's well-being and schedule and feeding and sleeping and oh my gosh what is this little tiny bump on his leg? Worrying about the things you never imagined you would worry about, the things you said you wouldn't let bother you (like how another kid the same age is doing such and such), and the overall lack of self-esteem and security you get with being a new mom. I worry about my capabilities as a mother - will I ever live up to be the mom I want to be? Will I give my child the time and attention and love that he deserves? I worry Logan is growing up too fast and I am not living in the moment (especially lately, just wanting the days to fly by) - that he is not at a certain level or getting the nutrition he needs...

It never ends....

It simply never ends. And that is the only real comfort I have is knowing that the worry will never end and therefore you cannot let it consume you. You cannot doubt who you are - the capability you possess, the strength you have but you just dont see it yourself. It is there, you just have to trust.

Sometimes we just need the reminder that it is OK to worry...but at some point you just gotta let it go and let it be...and remember that being a mom is simply about being there...the boo-boo healer, the late night feeding giver, the one who has to say no even when it's hard...that's us. We are moms. We are worriers. And that is ok.

my saving grace

Ok so I totally don't want to be depressing here, yall don't come here for that. *(I am still not completely sure what you do come here for, but whatever it is that keeps you coming, thanks).

In the spirit of getting out of my little self-pity party, I am making a mental list of things that have been my saving grace lately...

1. Friends and family. Yall have been so good to me. Getting me out of the house for dinner, playdates, whatever - sending encouraging words and emails, calling me (even if I am asleep every time you call, it means something, really it does).

2. Yo Gabba Gabba. If you have not heard of this show you obviously do not have a little kid in the house, but let me just tell you, I seriously look forward to this half hour every day. (My only complaint is that we don't get it here until 5:30, but I suppose that's just as well because time goes by soooo slow waiting for Ryan to get off work). This show is pretty hilarious and entertaing by itself, but Logan dances and mimicks all the stuff they do (and the show as crazy as it appears, is actually really educational)

3. Zofran. This dang medication costs an arm and a leg, but it has been a miracle drug compared to being on Phenerghan (which I take when I am feeling cheap and confident that I wont get sick that day, which isn't too often).

4. Logan. Sounds a little crazy I know but the truth is he is the biggest distraction. Like Monday when he awoke from his nap completly naked and saying "poo poo! poo poo!" (Thank you Jesus there was no poo poo yet, just soaked bed sheets)...and later after I told him we were calling Daddy to report the incident he firmly told me "No call Daddy." I also find certain things he says keep me laughing on a regular basis like "poot woops" (Fruit Loops) and "mama toes!" (he seems very concerned about my feet these days...I think it is because I need a pedicure really really bad)

5. this picture:

not much to look at, but it's all I have right now...and it reminds me that God has a much greater purpose than my self pity.




Things you should remember when dealing with a pregnant woman (part 1)

(Trying to keep my sense of humor...)

1. Morning sickness is not really morning sickness for most of us. It is a 24/7 flu-like horibleness that should permit any woman from having to do housework, meal cooking and errands of any sort. However, in the real world none of these things are excluded unless you have a husband kind enough to cook, clean and go to the store at any time. Ummm, like I said, in the real world....You just throw up and go on about your business (silently moping to yourself)

2. No maternity clothes are cute or flattering or make your butt look small. Please dont tell us how cute we look because we know you are lying. Also, while you're at it, no matter how huge we are, please do not ask if we are having twins. (FYI: This is not a compliment even if you ARE having twins)

3. Never assume that just because a woman is in Babies R' Us, looking at baby stuff and appears to be pregnant that she actually IS pregnant. I'm just sayin'.

4. Do not park in the special "For Expectant Mother Only" parking - yes I realize these are good spots and obviously we can walk like everyone else but there is just a small window of about seven months that we can actually use these parking spots and feel good about flaunting it, so just stay away from them unless you want your car damaged by a shopping cart..."accidentally." Again, I'm just sayin'

5. NEVER question what goes on said pregnant woman's plate. It may be a weird combination, it may be breakfast food for lunch, it may be food piled so high you think the plate is going to fall over. Just keep your mouth shut and move on...

What did you wish people knew when you were pregnant?

p.s. Happy (early) Anniversary Melanie and Anthony...love you guys.


being honest...

9 weeks.

So, being honest...yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a while. Got sick a couple of times and just never really "recovered" from it. I hate the fact that going to bed is the only thing that really helps (and that is only because I am no longer conscious of it really).

Mimi and Poppy came and got Logan for the night, and it was good that he got a night away - just too bad I couldn't stay awake longer to soak up some quality time with my better half.

I admit I am struggling a little bit this time around knowing that the road ahead may be a long one. I am trying to stay positive but I know where I am and where the sickness stopped the last time and I am trying to keep from making the connection...some days it works, some days it does not.

I am trying to remember that the begining is hard because you haven't had all the signs there just yet (well, except for this unpleasant one) - there is no belly to cover, no movement going on, and it's still kind of those scary weeks where you just aren't completely sure everything is OK.

But the good news is there is light at the end of the tunnel...and it will be here soon enough. I look at Logan and it reminds me how fast the past three years have flown by. I am reminded that each day I have is a blessing - whether I am sick or not.

I am also reading the updates on what is going on, trying to remember there is a reason behind all of this - because honestly, I think it is easy to forget that sometimes living in such a fog.

Just trying to be honest today...and keep myself reminded that today is one day closer to the goal. Thanks for all your support.



today is wednesday...

So far I have:

- taken a shower

- eaten BooBerry cereal for breakfast (hey, you can only get it this time of year so I am taking advantage)

- played trains briefly while distracting the kiddo into getting dressed

- snacked on: a plumb, crackers, and a capri sun

- gone to the zoo (the weather was so nice today. thanks again Tara!)

- made lunch...vanilla lowfat frozen yogurt...

(yes I realize this is about the most unhealthy eating I have done in a while but I have managed to keep it all down so far today, so I am going with it)

- Started on some work while Logan naps...(LIE...I am blogging again obviously)

How's your week so far?